I’m reading a helpful little book at the moment entitled “Mindfulness and the Journey of Bereavement”. Anyone familiar with Strictly (a Saturday night favourite of Judith’s) will know that these days pretty much any experience gets to be described as a ‘journey’. It seems that we are obsessed with the idea of the hero’s journey; a form of mythic transformation that pervades modern narratives and culture. Hollywood’s current obsession with superhero franchises is but one example. We have many ways of describing a life. Some see it as a race, mission, battle or roller-coaster, others as adventure, classroom, or garden, but journey seems to be the current favourite. I know such metaphors can be useful in helping us explore and understand our lives, but they are inevitably simplistic and can become tiresome too, particularly through overuse. Forgive me then for using one…

I was thinking about bereavement and the journey during the Langsett Loop last Sunday. I’d signed-up months ago, with some trepidation, for this 10 Mile trail race across the moors and fells above Langsett reservoir, north of Sheffield. I was prepared for a hard run, but wondered about the possibility of thick snow and freezing temperatures given the time of year. I’m also pretty adept at getting lost. As it turned out, the weather was fairly mild with only a howling gale and muddy ground to contend with. Some of my fellow runners looked kitted out for Arctic exploration, but for once I judged the number of layers and was proud to top them off with the Brain Tumour Research and Support in Yorkshire (BTRS) vest that I’d worn once before to raise money in the Sheffield 10k.

After an agonising delay – some runners were visibly shivering – we headed off into the woods and for some reason I began thinking about this concept of the journey and how it related to my experiences of bereavement. The further I got round the course, the more I began to link the Langsett Loop to my bereavement experience. For one thing, this was my first trail race and I was wary of the new experience. It was a step into the unfamiliar and, as a consquence, I was running in the hope of getting through it rather than a certainty. Still, something told me I could draw strength from other experiences and reminded me to stay in the moment. Don’t dwell on what’s been, don’t look too far ahead.

We began as a crowd, all nervous, but pumped with adrenalin. There was some comfort in this, but before long everyone was spread out and we faced long sections alone. The course was unknown to me and myriad twists and turns left me disoriented. I kept faith that I was heading in the right direction as we hit open moorland and felltop. Fortunately, I could see the race leaders up ahead and take occasional guidance from the marshalls. We raced up and down the hills. Both were challenging, and one uphill section slowed everyone to a walk. But the uphill didn’t last forever, nor did the down.

On the exposed fells we were suddenly battered by the wind, so much it was difficult to stay upright, and were relieved when the woods provided temporary shelter and respite. Time to regroup and breathe easier. Passing the reservoir, we completed one loop and faced the daunting task of doing it all over again. Second time around felt more familiar, which in a strange way made it both easier and tougher. I felt drained in the early part of the second circuit, but hung in. When running gets tough, it pays to hang in and, often as not, it gets easier again. My energy slowly returned and I knew I could do it. A short climb took me to the finish and elation. Quickly followed by the knowledge I’d have it all to do again in no time at all.

Not for the first time, running turned out to be great therapy and I was happy to get round in 1:38:58. Thanks to Alison for the support and the pictures.

We were delighted to hear that Sarah Jepson, Nicola’s sister-in-law, took part in a race in Abu Dhabi last Friday for Sixty4Judy. We’re all thrilled that friends and family are taking up the opportunity to remember Judy in this way. Thank you, Sarah. We’ll let her tell the story…

“It was wonderful to be part of the Sixty4Judy running challenge this morning at the ABCB Zayed Sports City event, in Abu Dhabi. Unlike January in the UK, this was the perfect time of year for a run outdoors as it was a sunny 24 degrees with a light breeze. The event takes place three times a year and is conveniently located within walking distance from my apartment, meaning my husband Dan and son Thomas could cheer me on.

I ran in honour of my sister-in-law Nicola’s Mum, Judy, who lost her life to a brain tumour last year at just 60 years old. Although I had only met Judy a few times at weddings and family gatherings, I greatly enjoyed her company when we met. I got to know her more through Nicola’s stories which portray how special she was as a mother, grandmother and wife. I also saw the deep hole that her passing left in the family and greatly admire the idea behind the running challenge as a way to remember and honor her life in a very positive way.

My running event today was both moving and inspiring as so many runners were there for lost loved-ones and to support important causes, including the ‘Make a Wish Foundation’, ‘MS’ and ‘Autism Acceptance’. The energy was quite special as the runners were challenging themselves and showed great determination regardless of fitness levels.

It is important to me to support the family and also to support the habit of running itself. As Simon states in this blog, the mental and physical benefits of running are unparalleled. It’s the ultimate therapy for times of struggle and sadness, as well a fantastic activity to be doing regularly even when life is going well. Today, I not only contributed toward the Sixty4Judy running challenge, but I also managed to achieve a 5K personal best (27:25). I’m looking forward to the many more runs involved in the challenge!”

The Leeds-Liverpool Canal features strongly in my memories of childhood. A time that looking back now seems idyllic. I grew up near the banks of the canal at the Liverpool end and spent large chunks of my youth walking, running or riding along the towpaths or just generally messing about as kids do. We had loads of freedom back in the 60s and 70s – both my parents worked full-time anyway – and just vanished for hours on end. The canal was our playground and we made the most of it.

I didn’t know anything about the Leeds end of things when I was young (though I could name the generally hated Leeds United team 1-11), but it seems appropriate that the canal links the two counties of Lancashire and Yorkshire that have provided my home all these years. It was with some excitement therefore that I set foot on the towpath again on Saturday, this time in Saltaire, whose existence owes a great deal to the canal. In 1851 Sir Titus Salt moved his wool business to a custom made village just outside Shipley, due largely to the excellent transport links of the Leeds-Liverpool Canal, the Midland Railway and the River Aire. It’s a fantastic place to visit, particularly the galleries and cafes that I hoped would offer respite after the race.

My visit though was mainly about running. I’m gradually building up my training for the bigger distances and the Sir Titus Trot 10 Miler offered an ideal opportunity to put some more miles in my legs along the canal. We changed in the warmth of the Caroline Social Club, feeling a few nerves, before heading to the start under the bridge in the shadow of the looming mill. Runners of the ultra, marathon and half marathon had already set off before the 50-plus entrants in the 10 Miler, so it was a busy scene and everyone looked ominously fit.

I’d never raced the 10 mile distance before, so it was difficult to judge, particularly being straight out and back on the towpath. I settled into a 5 minute per kilometre pace, hoping to maintain it, as we set out with the canal on one side and the River Aire on the other. Before long the Five-rise Locks near Bingley came impressively into view, though that’s the only real highlight on this route. I pushed on to the turning point and spent the last 5k keeping pace with two younger women, who seemed to glide over the ground without effort. It’s quite tough mentally to keep going when you feel you’re having to grind it out, whilst others don’t seem to be breaking sweat. A sprint finish kept me close and I was satisfied with 1h 26m and 18th place (the women in front were 2nd and 3rd female, so that helped).

That’s the 11th race completed for Sixty4Judy. Forty-nine to go! If you feel able to donate to our charities please follow the ‘Donate’ link on the main menu. Thanks for your continued interest and support.

 

I can’t say I’m sad to see the back of 2018. Yet, it feels very wrong to wish the time away. I’m determined to find a new way of living positively and hopefully that will happen in 2019. Running was my one constant throughout the year – apart from two months out with a herniated disc – and I was pleased to complete 1,000 kilometres for the year in total with a final run round Loughrigg Fell in the Lake District. It was fairly tame as fell-running goes, but only added to my respect for the people that do it.

The New Year is going to bring some big challenges in running terms. I’m looking forward to a number of Half Marathons, including ‘The Judith Triple’ of Derby, Sheffield and Granada, and I’ve signed up for my first full marathons. The Lakeland Trail Marathon in June around Coniston will be beautiful and a real test, though the Yorlshire Marathon in York should be flatter. If anyone has any marathon tips, particularly for the older runner they’d be gratefully received.

Last night it was back down the M1 for a brisk 5k in the Nottingham Winter Series. Nice Work, the race organisers, do a great job and got us off on time along the banks of a freezing River Trent. I find this course deceptively difficult, but this time got the pacing right and took my time for the first few kilometres. Running in the pitch black between intermittent street lighting can be disconcerting and two males runners went down in front of me, before continuing an argument over whose fault it was. Can no-one just apologise and move on these days? I picked up speed over the latter part of the race and got home in 23:27. A whole minute quicker than last time and an encouraging start to the year.

Next up tomorrow is a 10-miler in Saltaire along the Leeds-Liverpool Canal. As canals go, Leeds-Liverpool is my favourite. I was raised a stone’s throw from the canal back in the 1960s and 70s in Liverpool and have many happy memories of the freedom we had to play on its banks. I’ve fished in it, fallen in it, walked its length and ridden unroadworthy scooters along its banks. It will be great to set foot on it again.

It was a very special weekend for our family, being the first anniversary of Judith’s passing. that her children and grandkids decided to run for charity in her memory to mark the occasion would have both surprised and delighted her.

Thankfully, Saturday’s icy weather had turned mild for the Sunday session of the Elsecar running festival organised by It’s Grim Up North. Tom lined up with our friend Dave Marsh for the 8k trail run along the canal and both finished in very respectable times (Tom in 19th place at 42:24), but he won’t mind me saying that the real stars of the show were taking part in the Santa Dash over a one-mile course. Nicola, Samana, Ella, James, Maya and Asher (all Christmas-ed up) were joined by Dave and his son Reuben).

James, aged 8, has been running cross-country with his school recently and can never sit still, so we expected him to set off on a charge. Sure enough, he raced round and pulled off an amazing second placed male. Maya wasn’t at all sure about this running idea and displayed her trademark scepticism before really getting into it and had an enjoyable run, encouraged by Ella all the way, despite a tumble. Ella is so good at looking after her cousins and earnt an extra Christmas present from Samana by putting running with Maya ahead of her own race. Little Asher is turning into a real character and ran like the wind all the way round. There’s no stopping that boy.

Great fun was had by all… Maya has already shown her medal to her class and told them about Sixty 4 Judy and James is planning to talk about it in assembly.

Judith’s birthday yesterday gave me an added incentive to run and I was determined to find an event, even though they are few and far between on a Thursday. Fortunately, Nice Work were organising a Winter Series 5k in Nottingham, which was all the excuse I needed to be heading down the M1 for the banks of the Trent. It also provided an ideal opportunity to catch up with Judith’s family in Derby over lunch and we raised a glass to her, though she would have been disappointed that there was no wine in it. It was lovely to spend some time with Kate and Margaret, for whom there must have been many memories of happy times, on such a poignant day .

It might just be me, but I find Nottingham’s roads almost as confusing as the circle of Hell that is Leeds. I was therefore quite chipper, after having got lost once, to find myself suddenly driving through The Meadows before entering the more recognisable Victoria Embankment that runs alongside the impressively wide Trent. It’s a great setting for an evening run, even in the dark, and I managed to spot Lazar Karagic, our special guest runner for the night, waiting by the War Memorial and looking fit and though somewhat apprehensive.

I was wearing the Weston Park Hospital charity running vest for this one and it reminded me of the seemingly endless days taking Judith to and from the hospital for her radiotherapy treatment. I’d give her the chemotherapy at home before we set off, sometimes in the wheelchair if the weather was decent or more often in the car, particularly as she got weaker. It was amazing to witness her determination to walk into the hospital if she had the strength, but this became less and less usual. I have great admiration for the radiotherapy team at Weston Park – their care of Judith and warmth towards her was reassuring – and it was a very emotional moment for us when Judith rang the bell to mark the end of her treatment. She’s been incredibly brave and good-humoured, but I was very aware there were even greater challenges to come.

Before there was any time for further reflection we were at the start and heading off along the embankment into the cool night. I made the schoolboy error of setting off to quick for the first kilometre (I could write the book of errors) and suffered a bit in the second half as we made the long steady incline towards the top of the course. For some reason, maybe the dark or the long passages when I was running alone, this course is a tough one. I maintained a steady pace and got home in 24:41 to be greeted with a Christmas-themed medal and mince pie. Lazar arrived shortly after looking commendably fresh.

We finished the night in boyish style with a curry and a pint, and it was lovely to catch up. Thanks, Lazar. I had no idea what to do on Judith’s birthday. The date has been creeping up. What do you do? What can you expect? I know I’m not ready for anything that could be described as celebration. In the end, it was a quiet day of thoughts and memories. Like all days, it passed. I’m glad I got out there and did something.

Simon

Today marks the first time that we celebrate Judith’s birthday without her. It goes without saying that this is a tough day and one that brings all kinds of memories flooding back. It will be especially tough for Tom, her son, who shares her birthday, but it gives us dual reason to be thankful. I fondly remember celebrating Judith’s birthday with her last year. She was dreadfully ill and fatigued, though thankfully free from pain, and we had a wonderful time with family and friends. Her happy personality still shone through. She was surrounded by love and protected by it.

It is difficult to know what to do on a day such as this. How should you honour a loved one who is no longer here? The day still belongs to her, even in absence. I don’t know the answer and seldom do at the moment. I recognise that this is part of grieving and that there are no answers other than ‘just grieve’.

I am fortunate to be having lunch with Judith’s mother, sister and brother-in-law, who are always there for me. Then I’m running in Nottingham in the evening, alongside the Trent, as part of Nice Work’s Winter 5k series. ‘If in doubt, run’ could be my new motto. Running Sixty4Judy is giving me a sense of purpose and structure and I’m very grateful for that. I’m being joined by Lazar Karagic, my friend and tennis partner, and will really appreciate his company in the cold and damp.

Happy Birthday, Judith. Thanks for everything. xxx

We’re fundraising for St Luke’s Hospice, Cavendish Cancer Care, Weston Park Hospital, Brain Tumour Research and The Good Grief Trust. If you feel like supporting them in memory of Judith or perhaps a loved one of your own please donate at https://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/fundraiser-display/showROSomeoneSpecialPage?pageUrl=JudithHughes2

Simon

 

It’s beginning to feel a lot like Christmas. The arrival of the Percy Pud 10k, celebrating its 25th year, is a big day in the Sheffield running calendar. It was a big day for me too, as I got ready to run the Pud for the first time and kick-off our fundraising efforts in memory of Judith. As I walked up the hill through the steady drizzle towards the start up at Loxley I wondered anxiously what the course had in store. Glancing to my right I noticed a familiar figure warming-up in the Admiral Rodney pub car-park. Eilish McColgan, two-time Olympian, was kicking her knees up higher than the car roofs that surrounded her. Maybe I was in the wrong race!

There was a huge buzz and lively atmosphere surrounding the start. A quick chat with Elin Reeves, who was on pudding duty, then a photo at the St Luke’s Hospice stand and we lined up at the start. I was not in the best shape having foolishly decided to do Hallam parkrun on Saturday followed by a long trek in the Peaks. What was I thinking?

There was no time to find out as the gun went and we set off towards Damflask reservoir. I sensed pretty quickly that this was a run where I’d have to forget the time and just hang in there. The first few kilometres were fine, but soon the undulations were taking their toll. There’s no such thing as a flat run in Sheffield. I latched onto fellow runners to keep pace and it wasn’t too long before we were heading round the reservoir and being warned to keep left as the leaders were due to be coming back on the opposite side. The first few elite men flowed past, soon followed by Eilish. Let’s face it, top runners are tall, light and skinny. They have less gravity to fight than the rest of us. Inspired rather than daunted, I hit the turn and picked up for the next two kilometres until I hit the climb back. The last two kilometres were just a mental and physical battle, but I kept going with encouragement from the crowd – and reflecting on why we were doing this – before being mighty relieved to see the finish line. 51:11 was not too bad given my awful preparations. Lesson learned.

What a great event though. It’s huge credit to Steel City Striders and the Loxley community for hosting this year after year. It’s another tremendous advert for Sheffield as an outdoor city. I collected my Christmas pudding reward, plus alarming lemon hat and staggered back towards the car. As I did so, Eilish McColgan trotted past on her warm-down, light as air and just as fresh. We’re built to run, I told myself, though some maybe better than others. One run down, just another 59 to go.

I think it’s fair to say I’ve become something of a running obsessive. At 58, my one regret is that I didn’t start running sooner. My first parkrun was three years ago, and although it hurt like hell, I was hooked. I’d been persuaded by a friend to give it a go and, searching for a new challenge, it seemed to fit the bill. I wanted to get fitter and needed some motivation, which running provided in spades. Judith thought I was a bit mad, pushing myself so hard and arriving back home out of breath and covered in sweat, but at the same time she encouraged me as she did in everything.

It feels very strange now looking back to that time. Judith was fit and well, and looking forward to retirement following some busy years during which we’d set up and ran a successful B&B. It was hard work, but very rewarding and we both loved it. We met some wonderful people. Judith was ready to retire though. She wanted some new adventures and her longstanding back problem was making work more and more difficult. Now it feels like a different world. A time when we could never have imagined her shocking diagnosis and the year of love and trauma that followed before we parted our ways.

Grief has taught me that I’m not the same person I was. I’m changed. In some ways better, in some worse. It feels like I’m reluctantly on a voyage of discovery. I don’t know where it leads yet, but I do know that grief will be my companion. It’s the price we pay for love. I’m pretty sure that running will be with me too. It sustained me through the physical and emotional demands of caring for Judith whilst watching her fade away. When she was resting or asleep I could slip out and run through the parks and trails alongside the Porter Brook. I am so lucky to live in a beautiful part of Sheffield. All through the year I can run from my door and enjoy the changing seasons, accompanied by fellow runners, walkers, and their dogs. It is wonderful therapy.

Running has shown me time and again the mental and physical benefits of exercising in the great outdoors. You don’t have to be a great or even average runner to experience these. You’ll be part of a welcoming community too. It’s what makes parkrun one of the best things to have happened in this country in many years. As I continue to take small steps (and occasional sprints) into the future, I wanted to share my experience with my family, my friends and anyone else who might be interested. My family has been hit incredibly hard by the loss of Judith, but we are united in wanting to do something positive in remembering her. Were she here she would tell us to count our blessings. So, we’re going to do that by being positive, and taking on our running challenge over the next year, which we’ve called Sixty 4 Judy. Sixty events, one for each year of her life.

We’re starting this Sunday 2nd December when I’ll be running the Percy Pud 10k in Loxley Valley. I’ll proudly be wearing the St Luke’s Hospice vest – Judith was supported for some months by their Community Outreach Team – though I’ll be running for all five of our charity partners. We’re very grateful for their enthusiasm and support. If you feel able to make a small donation to help them support their patients and families, and those left behind, we’d be very grateful. You can donate via our page on this blog or directly at https://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/SimonHughes64

Good luck to my fellow runners. I’ll let you know how I get on.

Simon

We are so thrilled that our great friend Tom Chrisp is joining Sixty 4 Judy in raising funds for St Luke’s Hospice, Weston Park Cancer Charity, Brain Tumour Research, Cavendish Cancer Care and The Good Grief Trust. Tom was a member of the England Veterans Team that won Four Nations Fencing Gold (Epee) last April and is a stalwart of Wingerworth Fencing Club. Tom has set himself the challenge of winning 60 bouts in the year from Judith’s birthday on 6th December 2018. We wish him good luck and will keep you updated on his progress. You can support Tom by donating via  https://uk.virginmoneygiving.com/SimonHughes64.